


Silence

by junjoumisaki



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 19:18:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5882440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junjoumisaki/pseuds/junjoumisaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Usagi is gone, and Misaki can't live without him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so, so sorry. This will probably make you cry.

The rain fell heavily as they lowered the ornate casket into the ground. Misaki stood without an umbrella so that the rain could hide the tears that streaked down his face. He could vaguely hear the people around him talking about what a great and friendly man they had loss. “ _Ha_ …” Misaki thought bitterly. “ _All of you complained that he was selfish and hard to get along with… None of you really cared for him… None of you… loved him… like I did…”_

“Misaki, you’re soaked.” He heard his brother say as an umbrella covered him from the down pour. “T-thank you…” Misaki said hoarsely. Misaki didn’t want to be near Takahiro; he didn’t want to be near anyone. The pain he was feeling could only be rivaled by Usagi-chichi, but even then, Misaki was sure his was worse. Usagi-chichi lost a son, but Misaki has lost a friend, a part of his soul, the only man he could ever think of being in love with.

Slowly the crowd began to disperse and eventually it was just Misaki, Takahiro, and his wife and child left. Misaki turned to his brother “Can… Can you give me a minute, please..?”

“Sure… Take all the time you need… Minami and I will go get in the car.” With that Takahiro took his wife’s hand, and walked towards the vehicle.

Once his brother was out of sight, Misaki began speaking, his voice broken by his sobs “I lov—… I loved you, you know… I never said it often, but you were my everything… I’m sorry… It was my fa—… It was my fault… I got you killed, and I’m so so sorry… I will make things right… I’ll tell you I love you. I will tell you…”

Misaki stumbled numbly towards the vehicle. Takahiro was worried when he caught sight of his brother. Misaki had finally stopped crying, but his eyes looked empty and lost; it made Takahiro feel like he had lost his brother as well. He rushed over just in time to catch Misaki before he collapsed in a fit of sobs that racked his entire body. Takahiro and Misaki held tightly to each other as the rain poured down upon them.

** One week later **

At his brother’s house, Misaki was drying the dishes. It had now been ten days since he received that heartbreaking phone call. “ _Usagi has a dishwasher at the apartment…_ _I think it’s about time I—“;_ a light tugging on his jeans pulled him from his train of thoughts. Mahiro kept yanking until he saw his uncle look down. “Play!” He shouted. Misaki managed a forced chuckle. He loved his little nephew, but his heart was just not in the mood. He bent down and rubbed Mahiro’s soft hair. “Maybe later, ok?” Misaki asked, hoping his forced cheerful tone sounded real. Mahiro didn’t know why, but he could tell that his uncle wasn’t feeling well. He let go of Misaki’s pants, and ran off. A minute later he came back with a teddy-bear, and held it out to Misaki saying “Happy. Beary make you happy now.” Misaki couldn’t hold the tears back. He fell to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably. “I’m sorry… I’m so… so sorry…” Misaki whispered, his cries reaching Mahiro’s tiny ears. Takahiro walked into the kitchen to Mahiro hugging a sobbing Misaki. “Daddy, uncle is hurt.” Mahiro called. “Beary not help.” Takahiro gave a pained look at the bear Misaki was desperately holding onto. “Come here Mahiro.” Takahiro pulled his son away from Misaki. “Uncle lost a very important friend. Just give him a minute, ok?”

At the word “friend” Misaki stopped crying. He was not a friend. He wasn’t just a friend, but Takahiro didn’t know that. He made his decision. “Takahiro, I think I am going to go back to Usagi-san’s place.” Misaki said as he pulled himself to his feet.

“Misaki?” Takahiro breathed. Misaki knew he brother would try to stop him. “The place hasn’t been emptied yet. Usa— Usagi-chichi told me that he would wait for my call to have it emptied… Nii-chan, I- I need to do this.”

“Alright. Do you want me to stay with you?” Takahiro asked, praying his brother would say yes. “No. I have to be alone.” Misaki’s words hurt, but he had been expecting them. “Call me in the morning” he called as the door closed behind his little brother.

** Later that night **

Misaki opened the door to the apartment he once shared with his lover. The silence was deafening. All the memories he had been suppressing rushed upon him, sweeping him up into a whirlwind.

“ _Misaki, give me a kiss’ Usagi said. ‘Baka’ he shouted back. Usagi’s cold hands crept around him as he was unhooking a piece of clothing from the cloths-line. ‘I love you’ Usagi whispered against his ear.”(_ Misaki touched his ear. He could still remember the feel of Usagi’s lips). “ _Let me go!” (_ Misaki regretted those words so much). “ _Don’t you have a meeting to get to’ he yelled, as he pulled free of Usagi’s large hands. ‘Yes, but I need to recharge first’ came the familiar response. ‘No! Baka! Why don’t you pay more attention to your work.’ (_ More words to regret.) _Usagi looked disappointed. “I’m going. I’ll be home late.” He said dejectedly. Misaki didn’t want to see the hurt in his eyes. He figured saying something a little selfish was ok.        “U-Usagi, C-Come home quickly.” (_ Why did I have to say that?). _Usagi’s eyes lit up. “I love you, Misaki.”_

That was the last time Usagi would ever walk out that door. The last time Misaki would ever get to hear those words. Misaki leaned his back against the wall. A tear rolled its way down his cheek. “ _I could have said it back…”_ He thought bitterly. Getting himself under control, Misaki walked up the stairs to Usagi’s study. He never said it out loud, but he was proud that he was one of the few people Usagi let into his sacred work place. He walked over to the wall of books, and pulled out volume one of the BL books he was in. He remembered how angry he had been when he first saw that book. If it meant Usagi would come Misaki would allow Usagi to write whatever he wanted to about him, but that was impossible. Misaki took the book, grabbed a sheet of paper and pencil from the desk, and walked back down stairs. Misaki sat down on the couch in the living-room. He wrote what needed to be written. He folded the note, wrote “For Takahiro” on the front, and placed it on top of the book. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the bottle of pills he had snatched from his brother’s house before leaving. He uncapped it, and swallowed as many as it would take. He got off the couch, and slowly made his way back up the stairs. He walked down the hall to Usagi’s room and opened the door, closing it behind him. The room still smelt of Usagi. Misaki took a deep breath and sighed, realizing how much he had missed this smell. The tears he’d been holding back began to fall, like the rain on that bitter day. Misaki stumbled over the toys thrown about the room to the bed. He climbed up onto the large bed he had once shared with the love of his life. It seemed too large now. Misaki grabbed the large teddy-bear Usagi had loved, and hugged it fiercely. “I love you, Usagi… I’m sorry I didn’t say it more. I will tell you soon. I love you…” Misaki whispered as he fell into a painless sleep.

** The next morning **

Takahiro hadn’t received a call all morning from Misaki. He was worried. He knew Misaki had heard him. He talked to Minami, and she agreed that he should go check up on him.

Takahiro opened the door to what was once his best friend’s apartment. “Misaki?” He called, his voice echoing eerily. Takahiro walked into the living-room, and saw the paper and book lying on the coffee-table. Bile crept up into his mouth. He forced himself to swallow the horrible thought that he was thinking. He slowly walked over to the table. He read the inscription, and the horrible feeling in his stomach got worse. He forced himself to open the note.

_“Nii-chan, I’m sorry. Usagi and I didn’t get the chance to tell you. We were going to tell you when you came over on the week, but the weekend… didn’t happen… We wanted you guys to know that we were dating. I know you are probably in shock, but it’s the truth. We had been together since I joined college. I wasn’t sure I loved him at first, but he eventually became my everything. He was my first kiss, my first love, my first time… He meant the world to me, and I killed him. I had told him to hurry home. Just like Mom and Dad; I killed him. I regret not saying ‘I love you’ more often to him, and telling what I really thought. I realize I can’t go on without him. That book was the first one he wrote about me. I hated him for it, but now… If it would bring him back I would let him write a thousand more. I’m sorry Nii-chan. You probably hate me knowing this, but I had to tell you._

_I love you, Nii-chan,_

_Misaki_

Takahiro read the letter twice. He felt like he was spinning around in circles, unable to tell where he was. Getting a hold of himself he looked around desperately. Pulled by some unknown force, he dropped the letter, and raced up the stairs. He stopped at the door to Usagi’s room, dreading what he would find inside. “Open it” he told himself. His hand reached for the doorknob, and slowly turned it. Pushing the door open, Takahiro felt like someone had just punched him in the stomach. He could see the lifeless body of his beloved little brother lying on what was once Usagi’s bed, his arms wrapped around the large teddy-bear known as Suzuki-san. He forced his legs to move closer to the bed. He knelt down and grabbed one of his brother’s hands hoping for a sign of warmth, but there was none. Misaki’s hands felt like ice. “Not you too, Misaki… I-I can’t lose anyone else… Misaki… Please, please, say something.” Takahiro cried in vain. The sound of his pleas echoing through the silence.


End file.
